Hmmm, what do you do when your daughter suddenly, overnight has a crush on a tween-age heartthrob? Or, maybe she is not that into pop culture and her crush is on the cute boy at church? How is a mom supposed to handle this? It is tough! In my estimation, during this transitional time of her life, it is one of the three most difficult talks you will have with your daughter. They are:
1. Her changing body,
2. The birds and the bees, and
3. Teaching her about the awakening of the love nature.
Hopefully, by now, you have gathered strength, taken a deep breath, and spoken to your daughter about her morphing body and why God designed these changes. We covered these in Chapter 2 of Beautiful Girlhood and The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood. If you didn’t get to it, don’t feel bad, just take the time to get some great books on the topic!
The genius painter Vincent van Gogh put it this way, “I am always doing what I cannot do yet, in order to learn how to do it.“ It’s alright for you not to feel comfortable talking to your daughter, but it is not acceptable for you to avoid speaking to her about these topics. Why? Because, mom, you want to be the one influencing her and not someone else.
The Magic of Growing Up
Let me illustrate this point. I can clearly remember my 9th Christmas. My mother gave me a very special book as a gift to commemorate the upcoming transition she alluded to the magic I was about to experience. The small red book was entitled, The Magic of Growing Up and could easily be held in my tiny 9-year-old hands. When she gave me the book she mentioned my growing up and that this truly was a magical time. This was a great conversation teaser however, the discussion never went past that one mention. In my innocent eyes, the words of this book must have held the hidden code of what exactly this transformation was! This secret could be mine if I read it thoroughly enough to understand it. Unfortunately, I could never quite grasp it because there was NO SECRET CODE! Yet, I was hungry for this knowledge. So, I sought to gain this sensitive information from older and wiser girls who babysat for our family. The information gleaned was not so good and certainly not godly.
Mom, you have the opportunity to be THE ONE who explains and frames these important issues! Bravely talk to her about this new awakening of feelings. Believe me, if you don’t, someone else who might not be as qualified as you, will.
To get you ready for your time with your daughter, take a look at these passages and compare them to each other.
- Read Genesis 24. Think about the way their relationship began, who initiated it, who knew about it, and how it ended.
- Read Judges 14. Compare Samson’s methods to Isaac’s. Think about the way their relationship began, who initiated it, who knew about it, and how it ended.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (NLT)
Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild,
not to awaken love until the time is right.”
Ponder and Post
- Have you noticed that your daughter has crushes?
- How have you handled talking to your daughter about the feelings she is starting to have?