For many of you, a change in season signals a new beginning of sorts. Many of us are yearning for a change in the way we interact with our daughter, a change in negative patterns we have established and are perhaps passing down. It is a new season of spending time with your daughters. If we were to put a formal name on this intentional time it would be called Mentoring.
My personal definition of mentoring is “to teach WITH PURPOSE ON PURPOSE, the correct morals, standards, values, and ideals.” Simply put, mentoring is an everyday pattern of sharing your life with your daughter in an effort to guide her. While this purposeful teaching happens in the everyday rhythm of our lives, it is important to plan specific times when you can purposefully teach the particulars.
Yes, mentoring involves time, but what do we do in those mentoring moments? Below is a list of four tools to help you bond with your daughter…
With all mentoring, the real sharing begins at the heart level and involves an appropriate degree of transparency on your part. If you feel the Lord nudging you to share a specific peak into your heart make certain that it 1. Has a relevant lesson in it. 2. Present the experience to her and then shine the Light of God’s mercy and grace through it. Show her and tell her how God used this situation in your life to bring you closer to Him. Psalm 78:4
True intimacy is birthed from (appropriate) transparency. It seems to me that at a certain age, girls struggle with it being all about them! While this is a natural stage of development for our girls, it is important to draw those in-grown eyeballs of theirs to an outward and upward gaze. Your role here mom is to enlighten your daughter on the role of a give and take relationships. While you are making sure you are a student of your daughter and meeting her needs, you can gently train her on how to develop a healthy, godly interest in others.
On one level, we have the opportunity to teach our girl meaningful things during this time such as never wear white after Labor Day, never wear black to a wedding, and always wear clean underwear. (Have I dated myself?) Or we can teach her things that have eternal meaning such as acquainting her to her savior Jesus, how to develop a quiet time and how to pray. The concept here is to make your moments count!
Mary Poppin’s advice of “a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down” applies to mentoring your daughter. Let’s face it, sometimes it takes more than a spoonful of sugar to make life’s medicine go down. Mom, you know your daughter better than anyone. You know what makes her excited, what gives her joy, what drives her. Our challenge is to be certain to incorporate FUN into the mentoring time and make it something she wants more and more of.
These are four fabulous time-proven tools to help you become closer to your daughter, but wait there is more! Sometimes, we need a framework to structure this time together. The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood my 32-week Mother Daughter Bible Study for girls ages 9-13. It accompanies the classic book Beautiful Girlhood. These two books used together covers many topics specific to girls ages 9-13 and focuses on character development. The Companion Guide to Beautiful Girlhood is a perfect tool for Mother-Daughter Bible study that strengthens the Mother-Daughter relationship! Also can be used as youth Bible study lessons, Sunday school lessons, home school, and girls’ Bible study.